Crumbling

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

When I make plans, I make them big (by plan I also sometimes mean that-scenario-I-play-out-in-my-head). But the problem I've found is that "plans" have little details that need looking after. It usually involves the agency of other people.

So it goes like this...

I run through possible scenarios of a situation that I'll soon find myself in inside my little noggin. Usually I have really awesome come backs or life-altering ideas for my end of the scenario and it is always performed with finesse and just the right amount of everything to make my responses perfect. The other person is either quite speechless with my verbal prowess that anything they say is flat out weak or they agree completely and wholeheartedly with what I have to say. So my "plans" are usually foolproof.

Until I get to the actual real-life play out.

Things usually go all sorts of wrong. I am nervous and shaky so my voice is too. The words I planned on using end up in corners of my brain that are only to be found when in fantasy mode. The surroundings end up skeewompus and so I am flustered. My perfect scene is to remain on the drawing board inside my own head.

Most of the things that end up interfering with my perfection, have to do with those other blasted people that end up involved in the real life situation.

So instead of saying or doing it the way I had imagined they said or did it, they use their agency and do their own thing. Gasp. Those wretches.

So one tiny deviation from my own imagined scenario and my whole "plan" crumbles into tiny teeny unsalvageable pieces. Then my plans are a moot point.

Read more...

A disney reference

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Considering how I compared my life to a real-life woman of hollywood origins, I figured I better do one for a cartoon-life woman.


Wendy. She has so much fun flying around with Peter Pan and the lost boys. Adventure after adventure with a boy of joy and excitement. A boy who never wants to grow up.

Okay. Impossible physically but terribly possible emotionally/mentally/spiritually/grammatically, to stay in that youthful state. I honestly always think that there will be a part of me that will never grow up, that side of me that will be competitive to a fault, silly beyond all reason, and crazy when chocolate is in the system. But on the flip side not growing up can be seriously detrimental to your mental health! Let's consider.

There is a time and a place for everything. The learning curve is weighted towards the younger years. With our brains on the developmental pathway, we literally determine the amount of intelligence we will have by how much we learn during this period. However, I think that the type of learning changes with the amount of maturity reached. We find that we like certain things, we learn a certain way, and so we set our feet on another path of learning, a path of purpose. Now kids a lot of times don't really have a purpose to their learning. They just soak up whatever comes. The purpose comes with the maturity. That is a higher level of learning and so to stay in that child-like state, you can learn and learn as much as your brain can hold BUT you will never have that purpose.

Back to comparison. I have found that I truly have trouble with the idea of growing up. It is freakin scary. When my original graduation date came up (before I changed my major) I was a panicky mess. A hot panicky mess but a mess none-the-less. Wendy had loads of fun on their adventure to Neverland but when it came down to actually staying in Neverland versus going and growing up, she chose the latter. I have a lot of decisions like that to make in my life right now and I am back to the hot mess situation again. I have to decide where my life will go when that moment comes that I must either decide to stay in Neverland or to grow up. 

I'm really thinking that growing up is my next adventure. sigh.

Read more...

Like Emma

Monday, April 15, 2013

Since it has been so long, I decided to start my dear readers thinking. I would like to compare my life to Emma Woodhouse's. Think for a moment.

Emma Woodhouse and me. Well it's a stretch. I am not quite so selfish (a little bit I'll grant you) and I'm not nearly so great at matchmaking (but we all know she only had one lucky shot). But I said compare to her life. So let's do that.

I live comfortably in a large-ish home (it feels large to me anyway compared to the small apartment I live in now). My family is by no means wealthy but we certainly make do. I have lots of dear friends to surround me. Of course Emma's prominent friends are Miss Smith, Mrs. Weston, and....Mr. Knightley (oohs and ahhs).

Oh Mr. Knightley (oohs and ahhs). We all have one of these in our lives at one point or another. That dear friend that is so much more than dear. How does he put it?

"Emma! You want our friendship to remain the same as it has always been, but I cannot desire that... I do not wish to call you my friend because I hope to call you something infinitely more dear."
WELL. What girl wouldn't like to hear that from Mr. Knightley? I'd swoon.

To the point. There have been Mr. Knightley's in my life and I have never taken it on myself to "succeed at winning" them. I always have a menagerie of friends acting as a support system (more like a wrecking ball that I am clinging to as it swings crazily) informing me in the ways of pushing him out of the friend zone.

I have no finesse in the ways of catching men. In fact I'm quite clumsy. I usually end up scaring off the interesting ones and attracting the too-interesting ones. So as you might guess I'm quite wary when told to pull a "Mr. Knightley." You are QUITE right.

Well, to Mr. Knightley, beware. It may be a disaster or it may be a monumental event.


Read more...

  © Blogger template Brownium by Ourblogtemplates.com 2009

Back to TOP