Land of the Tetons

 TRIP TO REXBURG 
/surrounding areas

Friday September 16, 2011

(Betsy starts the log)

5:15 - Betsy gets off work and rushes home because she thinks that
          Ashley will actually be ready. FALSE.
6:00 - Ashley takes forever
6:05 - Ashley takes forever
6:10 - Ashley takes forever
6:15 - We finally leave

"Put a suggestive face." -Ash

"And my brains are full of mucus." -Jacs

6:39 - Just A Kiss by Lady Antebellum comes on the radio
6:39 - call Dacia and sing it to her
6:40 - Ashley is fetching annoying

(Ashley takes over since Betsy obviously has issues)

-"Where'd you put the movies???" -Ash

-"In a BUUUXXX!!" -Bets

6:43 - Cross the border into Idaho (luckily we get past the border control since we do have Betsy)
6:44 - Jacs lies about a pen mark on Bets' face - hilarious
6:46 - Betsy freaks out because Ashley is breathing
6:52 - My Oh My Yer So Goodlookin' by Blake Shelton=Betsy's FAVE!

(Betsy grabs the log back like a 2 year old)

-"His knightly duties arise..." -Ash  <-----Ashley has her mind in the gutter!

-"Ummm...?" -Bets (Ash: FALSE! Bets' mind can't get out of the gutter!)

7:15 - stop at the creepy gas station in Swan Lake that Jacs is obsessed with
          and get:
                     choco covered nuts
                     cheeeeps (in English=chips)
                     donettas (in English=powdered donuts)
                     baked chips
          we devour the salt and vinegar chips
7:24 - Jacs braves the rain to fix the windshield wiper
7:30 - Ash plays the geetar
7:40 - We stop @ Sinclair in Arimo and change windshield wipers in the
          pouring rain. Fix-it Jacqueline puts wiper back on (w/ help from
          old guy in neck brace) and Ashley and Betsy go puddle jumping.

(Ashley finally gets control of the log again...sanity reigns once more)

8:36 - Bets calls and chatterboxes it to her "real" friend Mumsy
          Ash and Jacs have their own phone convo
          Bets smears her feet across the inside of the windshield
9:02 - Bets FINALLY starts talking to us again (Bets: 24/7 Ashley whines)
          Bets requests a SONG :D
 

(Bets somehow gets her hands on it)

9:37 - Stop @ Sinclair in SUGAR CITY

(Thankfully Ashley gets it back)

10:25 - Start a fire...Bets freaks out because Ash's hand was in the stove
            ate food, watched Red, generator died, fell asleep.
0dark:30 - FREAKIN HOTTER THAN H-E-double hockey sticks

Saturday September 17, 2011

(Bets needs a complain sesh again)

6:00 - Jacqueline wakes up at the butt crack of dawn and
          clanks around loudly for hours on end.
8:34 - We drink hot chocolate
8:51 - Betsy pees with NO INCIDENT

"I'm not getting naked in the wild." -Bets (Jacqueline has a hissy fit)

8:55 - Eat peaches that somebody else picked, clean up
10:02 - Go hiking, climb on rocks w/ beautiful view
1:11 - Pack up and hike out
1:11 - Betsy carries Ashley's 1,000 lb geetar
1:21 - Drive to Jac's house
2:00 - Be true to our city worker selves and load branches into a pickup
          (just like old times!!)
3:30 - Life is pretty much all about horses:
        Catch the horses
        Tie up the horses
        Saddle the horses
        Mount the horses (Betsy is a pro)
        RIDE THE HORSES
                 Jacqueline teaches us how to gallop
                 Ride all over the hills

(Ashley rescues the log)

                 Ride through the pond and over to pick apples
                 Go out to the pasture and ride around the cute little calves
                 Unsaddle all the horses and let them out to pasture
6:30 - Jacs becomes frantic about the lost calf up in the mountains
6:35 - Grab something to eat,
          Ashley's sandwich is fabulous (bread-mayo, ham, tomatoes, lettuce)
          Betsy's is gross (bread-chipotle grossy, ham, pickles of the devil)
6:50 - We gather up all our gear and head out to rescue the little calf
7:11 - Ashley drives the fourwheeler like a freakin PRO
          drivin stick shift isn't a problem
7:15 - Bets gets off and clambers over the fence, Ashley discovers the calf
7:19 - We meet up again - Jacs on horseback - then we go on foot and
          chase calf through fields and thickets, groves and cliffs,
          canyons and hills. Ashley snags the leg to end the chase.

"HEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLPPPPPP!!!!!" -Jacs

7:46 - Jacs carries the cute little girl to the top of the hill on her shoulders
7:50 - Car smelled like gasoline + cow. Ash nurtured the scared little cow
          to health sitting in the back of the Burb - named her Gabby
8:10 - Took pics of Gabby - Bets FREAKED out when she (Gabby) sucked
          on her fingers

- Got pics. :>

(Betsy somehow gets ahold of it)

         Rankings at Catching Cow
                   (According to Bets...who didn't catch the cow!!)
         Betsy: *********
         Jacs: *****
         Ash: **

"I don't need 15 minute updates every 10 seconds." -Jacs

Things we didn't do that night
    Make volcano cake things
    Go to the drive-in movie
    Be nice to Betsy
    Smell Good
    Eat real food

Things we did do
    Rescue a calf
    Watch the Man from Snowy River (fitting, no?)
    Shower
    Eat lots of delicious snacks/junk food

Sunday September 18, 2011

9:00ish - Wake up
9:30 - Wait for Jacqueline
9:35 - Wait for Jacqueline
9:40 - Wait for Jacqueline
9:45 - Wait for Jacqueline
9:50 - Wait for Jacqueline
9:55 - Wait for Jacqueline
10:00ish - Finally drive home
          Jacs drives maniacally to get home before church to prevent
          us all from becoming sinners

1:08 - Betsy is home!
1:11 - Ashley is home
1:16 - Jacs is home

Log ends. Over and out.

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Entrails become extrails

Okay not really. Just an update on my surgically removed lump.

After a drug-induced blackout and a hazy awakening, I found myself in one of those hospital rooms. Yep. One of those. All clean and white.

Clean. Or so you think. Everything has a pristine smell. But beyond the pristine is a reeking chemical smell. Medicines, Clorhexydine, bleach, starch. Leaves a weird taste in everyone's mouth. Beeping, wires, iv catheters, all the weird hospital things.

There's a difference between hospital clean and home clean.

Home clean has a warmth and coziness. Soaps smell of pretty and flowers. All sorts of loveliness makes the home clean like citrus smells, mint smells, lavender smells, even comet has a nice friendly home smell.

Hospital clean isn't warm or cold, it's very detached and isolated. No friendliness in this clean. If not for the nurses and their kindness it would be a grim experience.

Nurses are angels. No doubt about it. Forgoing their own comfort to constantly ensure the comfort and satisfaction of their wards.

If not for the effects of Insanity and P90X workouts and regular running, my recovery would be longer-lasting. With a foundation of abs of steel (insert a small amount of sarcasm...just a small amount though, my doctor said I was the healthiest patient he'd had and he could tell I took care of my body because my muscles were well toned...insert some pride here at this moment...) I am on a fast track to recovery. I think my inability to be an invalid for long and my stubbornness to do things on my own will contribute as well. My main thing now is to NOT overdo it.  Easier said than done.

In which case my entrails would become my extrails...

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I grow 'monsters'

Christmas break wasn't as fun as it should've been. Poinsettas, twinkling lights, candy up the wazoo, stockings, Christmas tree all decorated in balls and bamboozles, homemade food and all around good cheer.

Nope. I had to visit the ER.

Poop.

Doctors and nurses poking me, making me pee in a cup, and all sorts of uncomfortable, painful hospital activities. I think they were mad that I took up their time on Christmas Eve. Not my fault. They should've blamed it on my monster, not me.

If not at the insistence of my parental units that it could be appendicitis and potentially hazardous to my life, I wouldn't have even bothered going. I would've assumed the debilitating, monstrous pain in my lower right abdomen was going to end up being a sore muscle or something else entirely non life-threatening. Instead they found my 7.1cm x 5.71cm lump, affectionately known as my monster. This sweet little thing I have grown in my body isn't very sweet.

In fact, it's dross. It needs to leave my body. It keeps causing me further uncomfortabilities.

Luckily for me they want to get it out too. BUT. The catch is, is that this fascinating mass is quite decidedly attached to my right ovary. Due to the size of my monster they have to take my ovary out with it. No worries all will continue on normally as I was fortunate enough to be born with two of them. Future child-bearing will be a little more difficult but completely possible. So you can all breathe easy...there will be plenty of adorable little Ashley's running around in the future for your enjoyment.
 
The next few months are going to be the best of my life (insert sarcasm). 

After what my Doctor called an 'exploratory laparotomy' I will have a nice LONG incision to deal with all decked out in stitches and soreness. This being because they need to check my other ovary, who's been sitting there innocently doing nothing so out of the ordinary as growing a monster, for anything suspicious.

This means that the 6-pack abs I have been working on the past little while will most likely deteriorate and I will no longer have a beach body as I do now (joke). Not to mention doing essentially anything with my body will be painful as every movement I may do whether it be walking, vegetating, laughing, rolling over in bed, asking politely for a bowl of ice cream, jumping jacks, or simply going skydiving, will require the use of my abdominal muscles. My now sweetly toned tummy muscles will have cuts through them and nasty little stitches pulling them back together. There will be no using of my abs for some time.

Let's just say I might have had it coming to me.

I found excessive amounts of delight in watching my sister try not to laugh while recovering from the removal of her wisdom teeth...I might've gone out of my way to make her laugh.

There's the story of my 'monster.'

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The Worst

Grudgingly, I come to full consciousness. I readjust my position, trying to alleviate the discomfort my body is feeling. The new position offers no solace. My bare feet touch the coolness of the sheets where warmth has not been established yet. Warmth. My favorite part of being in bed during this cold season. Sigh. I must arise and go forth. Nature's call is hard to ignore when it's this insistent.

I roll out from under my covers, hoping that the warmth will be preserved in the miniscule amount of time I will allow myself to be absent. I toe my way to the bathroom and hold my arms out in front of my body, feeling the air for the existence of any object ready to jump out at me from the darkness. My fingers find the light switch and flip it up. The blinding light forces my weary eyelids to squeeze shut. I squint through one tiny slit to find my way to the porcelain chair.

My body closes the gap towards the seat and suddenly my mind screams at me "COLD SEAT!!!" My downward momentum is immediately suspended. What to do? I cannot continue to hold the gallons keeping residence in my bladder and sleep the rest of the night in peace. But how can I put my little behind on the freezing surface of the seat and not get hypothermia instantly? This was a major dilemma that I shouldn't have to mull through at this time of sleepiness.

The battle rages through my brain, seeming to take years of my life away but in all reality lasting mere micro-seconds. Discomfort was a factor in each option. One would last longer and seemed more endurable at the moment. The other was quite fleeting, as my body would warm the seat in a matter of moments but what miserable moments they were going to be. Ah!

Of all times of the year to wake in the middle of the night with this ridiculous need to make my way to the lavatory. The coldest night in all of the world's history and beyond, was the night it had to happen. Gritting my teeth and deciding that it was comparable to ripping off the bandaid, I almost fell on the seat.

What a horrible sensation. The freezing cold seat and me coming together was not something I was enjoying. I hurried my activity as much as I was able. Didn't even bother to sing the ABC's in my head as I washed my hands half-heartedly and as quickly as possible.

I shut the light off, for which my eyes are extremely grateful. The way back to my waiting bed is impossibly long but I finally crawl in between the lukewarm blankets and get comfortable once again. My mind wanders listlessly back to wondrous sleep...

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