I grow 'monsters'

Christmas break wasn't as fun as it should've been. Poinsettas, twinkling lights, candy up the wazoo, stockings, Christmas tree all decorated in balls and bamboozles, homemade food and all around good cheer.

Nope. I had to visit the ER.

Poop.

Doctors and nurses poking me, making me pee in a cup, and all sorts of uncomfortable, painful hospital activities. I think they were mad that I took up their time on Christmas Eve. Not my fault. They should've blamed it on my monster, not me.

If not at the insistence of my parental units that it could be appendicitis and potentially hazardous to my life, I wouldn't have even bothered going. I would've assumed the debilitating, monstrous pain in my lower right abdomen was going to end up being a sore muscle or something else entirely non life-threatening. Instead they found my 7.1cm x 5.71cm lump, affectionately known as my monster. This sweet little thing I have grown in my body isn't very sweet.

In fact, it's dross. It needs to leave my body. It keeps causing me further uncomfortabilities.

Luckily for me they want to get it out too. BUT. The catch is, is that this fascinating mass is quite decidedly attached to my right ovary. Due to the size of my monster they have to take my ovary out with it. No worries all will continue on normally as I was fortunate enough to be born with two of them. Future child-bearing will be a little more difficult but completely possible. So you can all breathe easy...there will be plenty of adorable little Ashley's running around in the future for your enjoyment.
 
The next few months are going to be the best of my life (insert sarcasm). 

After what my Doctor called an 'exploratory laparotomy' I will have a nice LONG incision to deal with all decked out in stitches and soreness. This being because they need to check my other ovary, who's been sitting there innocently doing nothing so out of the ordinary as growing a monster, for anything suspicious.

This means that the 6-pack abs I have been working on the past little while will most likely deteriorate and I will no longer have a beach body as I do now (joke). Not to mention doing essentially anything with my body will be painful as every movement I may do whether it be walking, vegetating, laughing, rolling over in bed, asking politely for a bowl of ice cream, jumping jacks, or simply going skydiving, will require the use of my abdominal muscles. My now sweetly toned tummy muscles will have cuts through them and nasty little stitches pulling them back together. There will be no using of my abs for some time.

Let's just say I might have had it coming to me.

I found excessive amounts of delight in watching my sister try not to laugh while recovering from the removal of her wisdom teeth...I might've gone out of my way to make her laugh.

There's the story of my 'monster.'

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Woe is me...

Many days had passed since my grand adventure. Laughter, good company, and great stories would never fade from my memory. But there is a small amount of remembering that fades with time. Specific wording to a fantastic joke, complete conversations that changed my life, or merely the look on Betsy's face when Jacs told her to change out in the wild...

But wait! Pictures can speak a thousand words. Written travel logs can replace the memory that fades. Pictures of good times, taken in the confines of a cabin in the woods, taken at the top of cliffs, taken in the three hours it took to reach that place, taken on horses and saved to the memory card for later viewing.

Alas, I cannot blog on this wondrous occasion as I do not have the pictures or the travel log to do it with. I am sinking into the depths of despair and woe.

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Books of paradise

There are many times in my life when I just need to cuddle up on the couch or curl up on my bed and read a good book! 

Sometimes I*m in the mood for a gushy-like-gushers; cheesy-like-the-delicious-squeaky-kind; sappy-as-a-pine-tree romance novel. Other times I*m in need of an honest to goodness C.S. Lewis novel for some deep soul searching and philosophical ponderances. Every night I crack open the Book of Mormon (1) for some serious studying to find life changing answers and comforting words. When I*m up for it I*ll grab a Sherlock Holmes mystery and puzzle my way through it. 

But the books I will never tire of. The books that capture my attention every time I look at the cover. Books with cunning wit. Books of stunning insight and out-of-this-world knowledge. Books that make me laugh until I cry or cry until I laugh. Books that change my life. 

These are books of the paradisical glory of which I speak...

Me and my awesome nose...oh; and the book is there too.

The Complete Book of Nose Etiquette
 ...and other nasal matters

written by Dr. Doight du Nez

drawings by Steve Bjorkman

Never before have I stumbled upon such a work of greatness. Well...it was more my uncle. He was foraging through his old room and its remaining occupants and brought it up to us. I snatched it and haven*t relinquished it since. With amazing depictions of the different nose types in existence; the book describes the 7 basic nose types; discusses the different booger removal techniques available; and even lists some easy do-it-yourself ways to get the nose you*ve always dreamed of. This is by no means light reading.

If you can see my eyes...you might be ninja...

The Ninja Handbook

This book looks forward to killing you soon

Official product of the International Order of Ninjas

This wondrously sneaky book came as a not-so-surprise Christmas gift from an esteemed foe of mine. As is his nature; he tends to think that I need help in this area (little does he know I wrote Section II deducing your ninja level and Section IV the skills of a ninja). In this book it discusses secrets of the elite ninja lifestyle. As the title denotes it is a handbook of sorts. But as with everything else that is awesome; being a ninja goes far and beyond what is contained in this teeny tiny book as all real ninjas well know. 

note: there are serious penalties to those who read this book and disperse the actual contents of its pages...you have been warned...

I*m just a small town girl trying to figure things out...

This Is NOT A Book

Written by Keri Smith creator of Wreck This Journal

This Is NOT A Book was an interesting item to come across. It really isn*t a book. I didn*t read it. Every page contains a new adventure to be performed by the owner (me). From creating Treasure Maps to Psychological mood-altering machines to Kits for boring events. This book is stuffed with crazy random missions for the bored-out-of-your-mind type people or people who need some serious awesomeness in their lives. Some day when I*ve completed all of the pages inside...I will be so mind-bogglingly fantastic no one will know what to do with me.

Well...that is assuming they know what to do with me now...as a normally fantastic person...

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Person deja vu and heroes

The weather in Logan; a cloudless sky which causes convectional blinding coldness and a wind chill that drops the temperature by another million degrees; can get kind of cold. As previously discussed; I dislike the cold. I don*t look up much when I feel like my face is being frozen off of my head.

Walking to Institute (1) I have the wind at my back so I take more opportunity for people watching.

A boy is walking towards me that looks familiar and as he gets closer; I deduce that he looks similar to a boy from one of my classes. Either way I don*t know him so I pass him by without a second thought.

Short cuts through buildings further protects my body it*s inevitable demise from the arctic weather outside. Many people pass me by; strangers; friends; and familiar faces. I chat with a few and greet a few more. I near the exit of my building and see a boy who looks just like the kid from my class...

Wait. 

It*s the same kid I just passed not too long ago! Same hat; same coat; same backpack; and strangely enough; same facial expression.

How the ~BEEP~ did he get all the way on the other side of campus in time to pass me again?! Had I just witnessed a Superman at work?

Without any other explanation available...I*m gonna have to go with yes.

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Undertable activities of fun-ness

I live in a land of extreme cold weather. It is Utah. It*s the way it is here. Logan is a college town. I am a college student. Logan and I met. Cold and I don*t like each other. Logan and I are really good friends despite that bad relationship. My apartment isn*t very good at guarding against the cold. With little insulation; thin walls; and leaks in most diverse places; cold doesn*t need to be sneaky to find its way into my humble abode.

However; my roommate and I have done some research. There are ways recently discovered to reduce the effects of chilling (a symptom of cold*s presence). I came down the stairs to find her under the dining table where the heater is. Genius!! I warmed my rice bag and grabbed a blanket to join her underneath the table. 

And thus it commenced...

Pan*s idea not mine...

Ducky!! Yep! Yep! Yep!

This is my lost orphan hair

Besides this we watched fabulous youtube videos; an episode of Lie To Me; and playing on my computer. The best part was...we stayed warm!

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Plumbum and Ferrum

Strength. A personality trait everyone wishes to own. It lends to its bearer power, prestige, honor, and coveted status amongst peers.

But what is strength? Is it purely physical? Mental? Emotional? Grammatical? Is it attained individually? Does strength come from within? Is it to be found outside of ourselves? Do we realize our true strength? Or does it come in the instant it is tried?

Perhaps strength is lifting your body weight 10 times above your head. Strength could mean having bigger muscles than the other guy. Maybe the only thing with true strength are metals like lead and iron. Strength could be running farther and faster than ever before. Maybe strength is beating your opponent. Overcoming a particularly difficult obstacle. Beating Chesley at ninja...and everything else for that matter. ;) Maybe strength comes from knowing oneself. It could be getting over a bad habit like chewing with your mouth open or biting your nails. Strength could mean telling someone that you love them even when they might not love you back. Maybe you have to combine certain things like heat and iron to get the strength in steel. It could be righting a wrong. Sometimes it can be seen in the pride of triumph.

Strength can't in all reality hold one singular meaning and can't be contained in one dimension.

Strength isn't something easy to define. It is something within each of us that we have to discover. The Lord says that He will make weak things become strong if we come unto Him (Ether 12:27). Seems like an easy enough thing to do. But it's harder than just that. It's more than just coming to Him and following Him. It's walking through the darkness to eventually find our way to His side forever. It's following the pinpoint of light that He offers us in the surrounding bleakness and never looking away until we reach the presence of His all-encompassing light.

Strength is to take a step in the darkness, not knowing the way, but trusting that Someone Else does. Strength is in the humility to give up the mortal will for the assurance of an Eternal Will. Strength is finding hope in a world of seeming darkness and loneliness. Strength lies in admitting weakness. Strength is pushing harder when adversity strikes a heavy hand.

Strength is to overcome yourself. In each instance of strength, you overcome something in you. You become stronger each time. The Lord provides the opportunity for each of us to do this. He is the Way. In life we all go through hard things, some more than others. But the trials we go through, are the means for Him to temper us. Making us stronger. He is making steel, we just have to learn to take the heat and pounding for a little while.

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