Courageously Restarting

I forgot about my blog. (boo-hiss) Luckily I don't have a TON of followers or else that would get awkward.........


I'd like to think that starting over is perfectly normal. Exercising. Few of us have 100% attendance. Same with eating healthy. I actually had a journal entry about this just this morning! Funny how things crop up. I don't believe in coincidence either.

The blog was something for me to use the literary word to express myself during difficult times or ironic times or funny times or just plain good times. I find that I miss that feeling. But I grew up - graduated college and moved to a new place where I got caught up in trying to connect to real-life people. So now that I'm settled - nearly 3 years later - "I'M BACK!!!!"

You wouldn't think about it but the Lord wants us to always understand the idea of starting over. I think as humans it's almost second nature to let things slip and then try again and then let it slip and try again and again and again. The Atonement of Jesus Christ allows us to do this. No matter what the circumstance is. So even for my silly blogging that got dropped for a few years...starting over again always feels so good! So. Let the adventure begin. Again.

Read more...

Crumbling

When I make plans, I make them big (by plan I also sometimes mean that-scenario-I-play-out-in-my-head). But the problem I've found is that "plans" have little details that need looking after. It usually involves the agency of other people.

So it goes like this...

I run through possible scenarios of a situation that I'll soon find myself in inside my little noggin. Usually I have really awesome come backs or life-altering ideas for my end of the scenario and it is always performed with finesse and just the right amount of everything to make my responses perfect. The other person is either quite speechless with my verbal prowess that anything they say is flat out weak or they agree completely and wholeheartedly with what I have to say. So my "plans" are usually foolproof.

Until I get to the actual real-life play out.

Things usually go all sorts of wrong. I am nervous and shaky so my voice is too. The words I planned on using end up in corners of my brain that are only to be found when in fantasy mode. The surroundings end up skeewompus and so I am flustered. My perfect scene is to remain on the drawing board inside my own head.

Most of the things that end up interfering with my perfection, have to do with those other blasted people that end up involved in the real life situation.

So instead of saying or doing it the way I had imagined they said or did it, they use their agency and do their own thing. Gasp. Those wretches.

So one tiny deviation from my own imagined scenario and my whole "plan" crumbles into tiny teeny unsalvageable pieces. Then my plans are a moot point.

Read more...

A disney reference

Considering how I compared my life to a real-life woman of hollywood origins, I figured I better do one for a cartoon-life woman.

Wendy. She has so much fun flying around with Peter Pan and the lost boys. Adventure after adventure with a boy of joy and excitement. A boy who never wants to grow up.

Okay. Impossible physically but terribly possible emotionally/mentally/spiritually/grammatically, to stay in that youthful state. I honestly always think that there will be a part of me that will never grow up, that side of me that will be competitive to a fault, silly beyond all reason, and crazy when chocolate is in the system. But on the flip side not growing up can be seriously detrimental to your mental health! Let's consider.

There is a time and a place for everything. The learning curve is weighted towards the younger years. With our brains on the developmental pathway, we literally determine the amount of intelligence we will have by how much we learn during this period. However, I think that the type of learning changes with the amount of maturity reached. We find that we like certain things, we learn a certain way, and so we set our feet on another path of learning, a path of purpose. Now kids a lot of times don't really have a purpose to their learning. They just soak up whatever comes. The purpose comes with the maturity. That is a higher level of learning and so to stay in that child-like state, you can learn and learn as much as your brain can hold BUT you will never have that purpose.

Back to comparison. I have found that I truly have trouble with the idea of growing up. It is freakin scary. When my original graduation date came up (before I changed my major) I was a panicky mess. A hot panicky mess but a mess none-the-less. Wendy had loads of fun on their adventure to Neverland but when it came down to actually staying in Neverland versus going and growing up, she chose the latter. I have a lot of decisions like that to make in my life right now and I am back to the hot mess situation again. I have to decide where my life will go when that moment comes that I must either decide to stay in Neverland or to grow up. 

I'm really thinking that growing up is my next adventure. sigh.

Read more...

Like Emma

Since it has been so long, I decided to start my dear readers thinking. I would like to compare my life to Emma Woodhouse's. Think for a moment.

Emma Woodhouse and me. Well it's a stretch. I am not quite so selfish (a little bit I'll grant you) and I'm not nearly so great at matchmaking (but we all know she only had one lucky shot). But I said compare to her life. So let's do that.

I live comfortably in a large-ish home (it feels large to me anyway compared to the small apartment I live in now). My family is by no means wealthy but we certainly make do. I have lots of dear friends to surround me. Of course Emma's prominent friends are Miss Smith, Mrs. Weston, and....Mr. Knightley (oohs and ahhs).

Oh Mr. Knightley (oohs and ahhs). We all have one of these in our lives at one point or another. That dear friend that is so much more than dear. How does he put it?

"Emma! You want our friendship to remain the same as it has always been, but I cannot desire that... I do not wish to call you my friend because I hope to call you something infinitely more dear."

WELL. What girl wouldn't like to hear that from Mr. Knightley? I'd swoon.

To the point. There have been Mr. Knightley's in my life and I have never taken it on myself to "succeed at winning" them. I always have a menagerie of friends acting as a support system (more like a wrecking ball that I am clinging to as it swings crazily) informing me in the ways of pushing him out of the friend zone.

I have no finesse in the ways of catching men. In fact I'm quite clumsy. I usually end up scaring off the interesting ones and attracting the too-interesting ones. So as you might guess I'm quite wary when told to pull a "Mr. Knightley." You are QUITE right.

Well, to Mr. Knightley, beware. It may be a disaster or it may be a monumental event.

Read more...

Nuff Said

There's a lot to be said for a girl who loves life and lives it so much that she doesn't have time to write in her blog.

Yep.

Read more...

A bigger view

Sometimes, especially for  short  people, seeing gets a little rough in certain situations.

In my life this is no different. Many times I have had to stretch to the very limit of my 5' 3" (on my tippy tippy top toes...) and other times I have needed assistance from those fortunate souls in the taller species of human.

Well it just so happens that at a particularly enthralling moment I needed to be rid of a large view-blocker that had stationed himself quite staunchly in front of me.

I pushed!!

I shoved.

I SCREAMED!

I KICKED.

And I even BIT him.

No luck. Well this is a problem. I can't get anywhere or see anything but this blockhead in front of me.

Hmmm...

So I decided to just disappear him. Rather difficult if you ask me and seeing as to how BIG this guy is it will have to be an excessively LARGE space.

It takes a bit of time and concentration with all the galaxies of my imagination but it finally does the trick. He will probably miss out on this amazing view since he is no longer present.

His destination

Poor guy. Should've just moved.

Read more...

Weekless

As the time approaches that we commemorate the death, atonement, and resurrection of our Savior Jesus Christ and having just finished with the uplifting words in General Conference (1), I have been super reflective (a lot like a mirror). My buddy Ted and I decided that we were going to make this week meaningful.

A lot like Lent...but not really...we are going to give up the world for a week and focus on the Savior. We decided some parameters and lists of "do"s and "do not"s.

Do NOT

• Get on facebook (that evil social media that hooks you and drags you in...)
• Get on Pinterest (this one will require cold turkey withdrawal for me...and it might get ugly)
• Listen to modern worldly music
• Read secular books
• Watch tv or movies
• Riding his scooter (this was his major sacrifice and I've got the keys...scooter ride anyone??)

DO

• Homework
• Listen to uplifting, spiritual things
• Read our scriptures with an emphasis on the Savior's last week
• Other constructive, productive activities that are wholesome

Now this will be an interesting week. I fully intend to do my best to NOT do the do NOT's and DO do the DOs. I hope that this will be an even more reflective time, considering the everlasting sacrifice my Savior made for me. There is much for me to learn.

Read more...