I feel like

Wind streaking across the open sky, through the bare tree limbs. Funneling between buildings and canyons, racing toward me, the ill-prepared student walking up to campus. 

 Not that walking up the hill presents its own problems for breathing well...the wind blew directly at my face taking my breath with it as it flew past me. Every part of my body whether exposed to the freezing elements or not, was numb within seconds of leaving my warmish abode.

"My tail's froze, and my nose is froze, and my ears are froze and my toes are froze."

Seriously felt like a little puppy trekking across frozen England

On the other hand the wind made me look even hotter than I usually do. 

If only I looked as good as her

Okay maybe not that great but pretty great...let's be honest.

Read more...

Eating snow babies

Oh snow. How you and I have battled through the years. You win some. I win more.

The cold time of year has begun and you had a win today. I slipped and took a tumble. But... I won more. I ate your babies.

Yes. I ate them.

I caught them with my tongue as they fell happily to the ground. They are screaming and wailing inside my body. Melted and suffering in my warm belly. 

You must have a short memory because this is my only revenge and yet you keep coming back for more. I could do this all day.

Read more...

Funny backpackers

Now being the human being that I am, I must admit that I do not run gracefully nor normally (assuming there is a normal way to run). My dearest older brother's wife wrote a post on people who run funny on their blog. It got me thinking about how people run...but not at the gym. Circumstances of normal everyday life.

Unless you are a small child (all of whom look absolutely adorable in this instance), running with a backpack produces all kinds of ridiculous arm swinging and off balance issues. Being a college student, I have been late to classes a time or two (maybe more but that's not the point of this post), so I've had to run with a full backpack uphill to campus which is even worse! Heavy-laden backpack flying in crazy circles behind me, arms pumping wildly to the side to counter balance the stupid swinging backpack, legs straining to keep the rest of my body upright...Let's just say I know I won't get attractive points for it.

a small (ish) child running in a backpack

Now running in heels only applies to women, but who really looks attractive running in heels? I mean really? (besides the mega-human celebs, who SLEEP in high heels) If you hit a bump or a rock you're sure to collapse an ankle or break your knee from the fall. The taller the heel, the greater the negative effect it has on your running abilities. Besides, the heels have a way of finding cracks to wedge themselves in, mud to get stuck in, unevenness to catch on, etc. No bueno my friends. 

apparently they have races, finish line pictures looked painful...so I went with this one.

Now it's unfathomable to me that anyone has the ability to run in poofy snow pants, clunky snow boots, and a huge marshmallowy winter coat THROUGH the snow! I know I can't. It's not graceful in any sense of the word. Plus, the possibility of falling flat on your face, in the snow might I add, spikes to almost 95%. And I'm not talking about Oregon 1" type of snow...I'm talkin 2" per minute Logan Utah type of snow! You have tunnel your way to places on the first day and no running or you would disappear...literally.

They're getting paid to look happy about it.

To go along with the snow idea...running on sand. Talk about frustrating. If you're on a beach and you're close to the water, the sand is relatively packed making barefoot running a paradisical exercise. However, move 5 feet away and you've got a running nightmare. Every step sinks, plummets, plunges, shifts, rolls, or dives under the impact of your feet. To run the equivalent of a marathon, you need only run the length of a football field, you'll take the same number of steps in a MUCH shorter distance. Super-duper tiring (especially when playing frisbee or football...ugh). The end.

See how slow they're moving...?

But...if you move 5 feet closer to (I really mean into...) the water, you have another problem. Water. Lots of it. Moving against you whichever way it's going. Now there are a couple different options for running in water. First: high-step running. You feel like a majestic horse (only animals look good running through water in real life...and Bay Watch...which isn't real), tramping over the water and gracefully plopping your feet into the watery depths (if you ask me...you look ridiculous if you're completely serious while doing it). Second: slosh-through running. Keeping your legs in a normal running rhythm and motion, you can only get a few steps before your upper half's momentum carries it way too fast for your lagging bottom half and you take a swim instead.  A much preferred mode of exercise anyways...

I know that as a normal human being, I've experienced these, each in their own awkwardness and ridiculousness. If you are one of those exceptional few who can sail through any and all obstacles presented here...don't judge.

Read more...

Golden delirium

I watch the little white fluffs coasting down from grey low-cast skies. Street lights cast a glow of gold across the white terrain, almost beguiling me. 

But I'm no fool. 

There is no warmth on the other side of the double-paned glass that I look through. It is a false type of gold. 

Hell's gold.

The real gold won't come for a long while it seems. The presence of cold and slushy snow drifts acts to push back its coming. 

The world has been subjected to this cool silver season for a small eternity. Every year it seems to last longer than the winter prior. And colder. It's always colder than the last roll around. 

Heat. 

That's what I look forward to. Hot molten sunlight saturating my skin and hair. Inhaling spicy summer air, warming my frozen soul. Gold and lively green hues surrounding me and feeding my dull spirit. Sunlight reaching into every dark corner and refurbishing the winter dilapidated happiness.

To run through fields of lush green grass chasing balls and frisbees. To catnap in sunlight's warm embrace. To accompany nature's inhabitants through morning's first waking, along deer trails and mountainsides. To explore the wilderness of a hidden grove. To lay in repose, watching the clouds drift lazily across an ocean-blue sky. To watch tiny seedlings swell to adulthood in the sun's daily presence. To lose yourself in the pink and white frothed orchards.

These are what I hunger for and every winter I'm left wanting. Starving.

Read more...

misericordia Domini inter pontem et fontent

The ground is hard. It hurt a lot when I fell on it. My mother had to let me go. I want to cry but I don't know how. I can't see her. I don't have eyes yet so life is dark around me. All I can do now is feel and listen.

My entire being shakes with the rumblings of the earth. Noises penetrate my protective shell. She gave me that protection when I was still with her. Days go by I think. I feel the warmth of the Big Light each passing day. He is essential to my growth. But I can't grow much right now. It isn't the right time.

It gets really cold for a long time. It's so hard to survive on my own. Luckily the Light still comes around. It's nice to have someone to rely on. Whenever He shines through the snow I know I can make it at least one more day through the bitterness. Sometimes I just wish that I could grow all the way and be done with this stagnation. But the whisperings of my genetic coding cautions me to continue my dormancy. I do not understand the world around me yet so in order to survive this frail existence I must abide.

I don't know how long that part of my life lasts but I feel the snow melt around me. The warming soil lets me sink down into its protective depths. The voice of my instinct nudges me and whispers encouragement for my future.

It's time to grow.

Time has no measurement in my life. But it is of the essence that I am timely. My size seems to expand and I press against the walls surrounding me.  The protection of my shell has always been such a comfort to me, but I must not be restrained. With all of my might I burst through and see warm darkness. The warmth is a promise of seeing my old friend the Light.  

My roots sink deep into the Light-warmed earth and I anchor myself here. I soak up the living water and essential nutrients that saturates the warmth. I can almost feel my body filling with light. I have so much growing to do.

The surface is near. I can feel the air touching part of my searching fingers.

I break the surface. I have eyes. So many eyes. To see the world and the Light and His brightness all around me. I can't take it all in fast enough. There is so much wonder. I stretch out my first arms and devour the brightness from the outstretched rays of the Light. My entire body leaps into growth almost like a fire burning! I grow as many arms and hands as I can. I want to be closer to Him. It seems like such a hard thing to do. But every little piece of my body yearns to get closer to the Light.

Sometimes huge creatures move past. I see them ingesting the bodies of some of my family. This scares me but I push past my seedling fears to keep growing. I can see that I am still smaller than my mother. Her familiar love provides a canopy overhead. I see in her my own potential. Can I really get that enormous?

The voice that is always with me, my guide and my protector, fills my tiny mortal with hope.  It tells me of my future. I look within and see...the possibility of Me.

Read more...

Sounds of the Summer

I stand there in the open space. My eyes are already closed and I take in a breath of warm summer air. I smell the spicy heat and the nearby alfalfa. The knee-length grass brushes my legs and the sun*s rays warm my skin. Lost in the laziness of the warm season my mind loses the need for focus and busyness. The warmth soaks into my body and my entire being is at peace.

The sounds of summer bombard my ears. The whine of traveling cars is a distant overtone to the ensemble. Tractors in the fields discing and swarthing; rumbling through their life*s work. Lawn mowers humming in nearby yards. The drone of an airplane flying low over the alfalfa fields echoes off the face of the mountain.

But beneath man*s sounds rings nature*s call. Crickets; hiding in their secret places; give evidence to their location; chirping a summer melody. Meadowlarks warble and sing their songs. The wind tumbles and plays through orchards; rustling the leaves. The cawing of magpies adds the brass to the animal symphony.

My puppy*s barking jolts me from my warm musings. The biting cold of the winter reality tingles on my exposed cheeks. A sigh escapes my lips. Winter is a time for nostalgia.

Read more...

Snowflakes

Grumbling with bitterness and resentment, I flip my hood up and step out of the warm building into the falling snow. It's not the huge light fluffy snowflakes that fall in enchanting patterns but rather little wisps of ice streaming down to the already frozen earth.

Faceless strangers pass me, hoods pulled low over their foreheads. I struggle over the unevenly trodden snow as I make my way home.  Although my hood is pulled up and over my head, it doesn't seem to cover quite enough. Iceflakes still pelt me in the face. I bend my head forward against the attack. My forward progression requires more vision than is provided thus. So I lift my face and take the snowflakes in the face once more.

There's a lot to be said about the people I see walking undeterred by the cold, wet flecks smacking them in the face. My eyes blink rapidly of their own accord every few seconds and twitch uncontrollably between blinks. Whatever makeup I managed to get on my face and eyes in the sleepy getting ready hours of the morning, was fast melting off. My brow becomes furrowed and my nose crinkles with the strain of trying to see past the blasted snowflakes. The entire surface area of my face was intent on closing in around my eyes to protect them from the mini ice bullets.

All of these people with the finesse to blink naturally in normal intervals must be laughing quite recklessly on the inside. I probably would if I could see my face contorting as each seemingly harmless snowman baby flies into my eyes. No one else seems to be struggling with this as I have been.

The solution...for the snowing to cease, but since I have no control over that I will just have get a hat with a brim.

Read more...