Tuesday, November 2, 2010
The bottom of my stomach has been sucked into a wormhole. I can feel that it is definitely bottomless down there now. Nothing sits right. Nothing sounds good. My world hangs on a balance. Everything weighs on this moment's decision. My entire future depends on here and now. But what do I do? To what end will this decision take me? Never before have I been faced with something so monumental. No matter my decision I cannot find peace in it. There is too much at stake for this to be an easy, quick thing. This stress is destructive to my health and well-being.
The worst part in all of this is that this decision doesn't include only myself. There is another student to this complex equation. That's what is making this so much harder. I know what my calculations to find x are, but now finding the correct solution rests on my fellow student. If this were simply my decision, I would make the best decision I could and live with it, be it wrong or right. But since the solution needs both x and y values, I must wait on the other. What if they come up with the wrong value? Then the solution will be different than it is supposed to be. How can I trust that they will make the right calculations? My help is useless since I have no credentials, so I know I can't tell them everything they need to know for their set of calculations. I raise my hand, trembling, towards the ceiling of the classroom.
The Teacher comes to my desk. He asks in his calming voice what He can do to help. Of course, I make sure that my calculations are correct first. He points out my mistakes and gives me the steps I need to fix them so that I can find my way to the correct value. He puts his reassuring hand on my shoulder, asking silently if I am okay, if I can continue on without His help for a little while. The only problem I have now is the worry I have concerning the other part of the equation. Timidly, I ask for Him to help my equational partner, that He will show them the correct calculations to the value. A small nod is the only affirmation I receive. I know that He can only do so much before it is still up to my peer to make those calculations. I hope that they listen. This is essential to a good grade. For both of us.
- Picture from Think Geek, geeky wrapping paper, math equations. Geeky wrapping paper!! Sweet!