Nuff Said

There's a lot to be said for a girl who loves life and lives it so much that she doesn't have time to write in her blog.

Yep.

Read more...

A bigger view

Sometimes, especially for  short  people, seeing gets a little rough in certain situations.

In my life this is no different. Many times I have had to stretch to the very limit of my 5' 3" (on my tippy tippy top toes...) and other times I have needed assistance from those fortunate souls in the taller species of human.

Well it just so happens that at a particularly enthralling moment I needed to be rid of a large view-blocker that had stationed himself quite staunchly in front of me.

I pushed!!

I shoved.

I SCREAMED!

I KICKED.

And I even BIT him.

No luck. Well this is a problem. I can't get anywhere or see anything but this blockhead in front of me.

Hmmm...

So I decided to just disappear him. Rather difficult if you ask me and seeing as to how BIG this guy is it will have to be an excessively LARGE space.

It takes a bit of time and concentration with all the galaxies of my imagination but it finally does the trick. He will probably miss out on this amazing view since he is no longer present.

His destination

Poor guy. Should've just moved.

Read more...

Weekless

As the time approaches that we commemorate the death, atonement, and resurrection of our Savior Jesus Christ and having just finished with the uplifting words in General Conference (1), I have been super reflective (a lot like a mirror). My buddy Ted and I decided that we were going to make this week meaningful.

A lot like Lent...but not really...we are going to give up the world for a week and focus on the Savior. We decided some parameters and lists of "do"s and "do not"s.

Do NOT

• Get on facebook (that evil social media that hooks you and drags you in...)
• Get on Pinterest (this one will require cold turkey withdrawal for me...and it might get ugly)
• Listen to modern worldly music
• Read secular books
• Watch tv or movies
• Riding his scooter (this was his major sacrifice and I've got the keys...scooter ride anyone??)

DO

• Homework
• Listen to uplifting, spiritual things
• Read our scriptures with an emphasis on the Savior's last week
• Other constructive, productive activities that are wholesome

Now this will be an interesting week. I fully intend to do my best to NOT do the do NOT's and DO do the DOs. I hope that this will be an even more reflective time, considering the everlasting sacrifice my Savior made for me. There is much for me to learn.

Read more...

Sleeping habits

I've been noticing a few things upon waking to the sunshiney world morning after morning. Things that I must do in my sleep but of course am unaware of such actions as I am asleep. Thus I can only make guesses from information gathered after rising from slumber.

I rotate clockwise. 

(I basically unravel all my sheets in one direction and send them plummeting to the ground)

I switch places with my body pillow. 

(I wake up on the other side of my body pillow than originally arranged)

I somehow push the mattress away from the wall. 

(when making my bed faithfully every morning I have to push it back up to the wall so my pillows don't disappear into the black hole behind my bed)

I pretend to eat suckers. 

(Carrie, my roommate, tells me that she hears noises that sound like I'm sucking on a sucker or eating quite noisily)

I write music in my dreams and hum it to Carrie.

(Pretty self-explanatory...)

I sometimes remove items from about my person. 

(nothing scandalous, things like earplugs, socks, etc)

I'm a really light sleeper and always have been. All my roommates, siblings and most especially my lovely mother can attest to this. 

It's a wonder I can do all these without waking myself up. 

Read more...

The Path Ahead

I don't pretend to be a good writer. I just try to make things interesting once in awhile and if it suits me, I share the thoughts and feelings inside me. Feeling very pensive on this fine Sunday morning, this is one of those times.

Sometimes in life the path ahead is unclear to me. Things that happen along the way make me pause and overthink all sorts of nasty thoughts.

The destination is clear.

But there are times when the path has been overgrown by a thicket of doubt or a tree has fallen in front of me that takes much effort and pain to clear.

Since General Conference (2) is coming up this next weekend, I have been pondering a lot of things in my life. God has promised me so many great blessings and given me many blessings that I have done my best to appreciate. But what an impatient creature I am. I want these blessings now. I have not the patience it requires. Because of this impatience...I falter. I stumble. I doubt and fear what is ahead. That maybe I'm not going to receive those blessings after all. 

But God is great. There is no one more trustworthy than God. It is my weakness that bars the way. But it is through His strength that I will overcome.

I may not know my pathway's journey ahead but I do know that God knows it. He is the Master who loves me and will lead me through all that I may encounter. He knows and understands my pain and in Him will I trust. 

D&C 24:8

"These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation; but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world." -John 16:33

Read more...

Trains are mean

Train wrecks. Nasty business.

BIG TRAIN. little me.

I never know if I'll get run over entirely or just knocked out of the way. Terribly unavoidable either way. 

If I knew how to walk through life without following the tracks then I might not get hit so often. Or at all really. No matter. 

Being hit by trains all through life never killed anyone. Well...until it did.

Read more...

Sneezing gone awry

nose: Oh...that tickles...that REALLY tickles!! All I need is a small sneeze for this one. I'll have to call the brain.

nose rings over to brain

brain: Hello nose! How are things over there?

nose: Oh there's always the ups and downs. At the moment I've got an awful itch! Could you do me a favor? 

brain: I know exactly what you need! I'll talk to all the muscles needed for the job.

nose: Oh thank you! Thank you!

brain rings down to abs, pecs, and throat

throat: Hey brain! What's goin on up there? Neck told me he had a feelin something was goin down.

brain: Oh nothing big. It's just that nose has quite the tickle he needs getting rid of.

throat: Oh that's nothing. We'll take care of him. I'll get things started.

brain: Great. I'll just relay to pecs and abs.

pecs: Brain? What is it?

brain: A sneeze is in order. 

pecs: All right. I'm on it.

abs: Brain! I haven't heard from you in a few days. 

brain: Well things have been pretty quiet since the surgery. You up for a sneeze yet?

abs: Ummm... Lemme check. *grunt* *grumble* OUCH! Oh no...nope I can't do it yet!

brain: Uh oh...I'd better stop the sneeze!!!

The body winds up ready for the pitch. Every part ready for impact.

 brain over body system intercom

brain: CEASE FIRE!! CEASE FIRE!! Abs can't help yet. Nose...I'm sorry. But you're just gonna have to deal with it for now. Maybe next time buddy.

Read more...

Habit-killer

Change. It doesn't bode well for some people. The worst is when it comes and kills the uniformity of habit. Especially if it's a good habit. For example:

The Kitchen Garbage Can

The garbage can has always resided under the kitchen sink. Always. Forever. Since before time and even the creation of time. So growing up, I always walked into the kitchen opened the cupboard door without thinking and tossed the undesirable trash into the trash receptacle where it belonged. All of 23 years I've done this. Without too much complicated thought to the process either. 

Today, it got stinky as garbage cans are wont to do. Mumsy put it out in the garage, I suppose to make it think about what it's done. ;)

Every blasted thing I throw away I have to make the long trip to the garbage can. First to the kitchen to it's usual residence under the sink to where the frustration lies.

Every time I open the door and look in to find the bare spot, I curse (the clean kind of cursing of course) and make my way either to the laundry room or the garage where the garbage cans actually are. Twice the amount of effort for something I don't particularly care for. That's the point of throwing it away you see. Blasted change. No matter how much I tell myself I won't go back to the empty cupboard, the pure FORCE of habit makes me go and open the door again and again and AGAIN!

I guess it's good for the exercise in the least.

Read more...

Entrails become extrails

Okay not really. Just an update on my surgically removed lump.

After a drug-induced blackout and a hazy awakening, I found myself in one of those hospital rooms. Yep. One of those. All clean and white.

Clean. Or so you think. Everything has a pristine smell. But beyond the pristine is a reeking chemical smell. Medicines, Clorhexydine, bleach, starch. Leaves a weird taste in everyone's mouth. Beeping, wires, iv catheters, all the weird hospital things.

There's a difference between hospital clean and home clean.

Home clean has a warmth and coziness. Soaps smell of pretty and flowers. All sorts of loveliness makes the home clean like citrus smells, mint smells, lavender smells, even comet has a nice friendly home smell.

Hospital clean isn't warm or cold, it's very detached and isolated. No friendliness in this clean. If not for the nurses and their kindness it would be a grim experience.

Nurses are angels. No doubt about it. Forgoing their own comfort to constantly ensure the comfort and satisfaction of their wards.

If not for the effects of Insanity and P90X workouts and regular running, my recovery would be longer-lasting. With a foundation of abs of steel (insert a small amount of sarcasm...just a small amount though, my doctor said I was the healthiest patient he'd had and he could tell I took care of my body because my muscles were well toned...insert some pride here at this moment...) I am on a fast track to recovery. I think my inability to be an invalid for long and my stubbornness to do things on my own will contribute as well. My main thing now is to NOT overdo it.  Easier said than done.

In which case my entrails would become my extrails...

Read more...

A word on being cut open

6 am. That's when I have to be there. 

NOT when I have to open my eye lids to a dark world.

NOT when I have to awake myself and arouse my faculties. 

NOT when I have to take a shower to scrub the special antibiotic soap all over my bacteria-ridden body. 

NOT when I have to prepare myself for my doom.

NOT when I have to leave my home to get to the hospital. 

I'm the first 'case.' That's right. The lucky girl that arrives at 6 am. 

6 am. Oh how I haven't missed you. Lucky for me, I get to be knocked out for a couple of hours to make up for it. That's when they cut me open. Yup. Like in the child's game, Operation. 

Tools needed...true story

Only for real. 

Due to many hilarious stories of delirious post-anesthetic behaviors, I'm leaving my phone in the care of my beloved mother who will be sane and drug-free at all times. She will be in possession of the device whilst I am in a drug-induced craziness. Until such a time that I can coherently converse with you lovely peoples.

SO nothing too scandalous if you please. It's my mother who'll be reading them. Just sayin.

Read more...

I feel like

Wind streaking across the open sky, through the bare tree limbs. Funneling between buildings and canyons, racing toward me, the ill-prepared student walking up to campus. 

 Not that walking up the hill presents its own problems for breathing well...the wind blew directly at my face taking my breath with it as it flew past me. Every part of my body whether exposed to the freezing elements or not, was numb within seconds of leaving my warmish abode.

"My tail's froze, and my nose is froze, and my ears are froze and my toes are froze."

Seriously felt like a little puppy trekking across frozen England

On the other hand the wind made me look even hotter than I usually do. 

If only I looked as good as her

Okay maybe not that great but pretty great...let's be honest.

Read more...

I grow 'monsters'

Christmas break wasn't as fun as it should've been. Poinsettas, twinkling lights, candy up the wazoo, stockings, Christmas tree all decorated in balls and bamboozles, homemade food and all around good cheer.

Nope. I had to visit the ER.

Poop.

Doctors and nurses poking me, making me pee in a cup, and all sorts of uncomfortable, painful hospital activities. I think they were mad that I took up their time on Christmas Eve. Not my fault. They should've blamed it on my monster, not me.

If not at the insistence of my parental units that it could be appendicitis and potentially hazardous to my life, I wouldn't have even bothered going. I would've assumed the debilitating, monstrous pain in my lower right abdomen was going to end up being a sore muscle or something else entirely non life-threatening. Instead they found my 7.1cm x 5.71cm lump, affectionately known as my monster. This sweet little thing I have grown in my body isn't very sweet.

In fact, it's dross. It needs to leave my body. It keeps causing me further uncomfortabilities.

Luckily for me they want to get it out too. BUT. The catch is, is that this fascinating mass is quite decidedly attached to my right ovary. Due to the size of my monster they have to take my ovary out with it. No worries all will continue on normally as I was fortunate enough to be born with two of them. Future child-bearing will be a little more difficult but completely possible. So you can all breathe easy...there will be plenty of adorable little Ashley's running around in the future for your enjoyment.
 
The next few months are going to be the best of my life (insert sarcasm). 

After what my Doctor called an 'exploratory laparotomy' I will have a nice LONG incision to deal with all decked out in stitches and soreness. This being because they need to check my other ovary, who's been sitting there innocently doing nothing so out of the ordinary as growing a monster, for anything suspicious.

This means that the 6-pack abs I have been working on the past little while will most likely deteriorate and I will no longer have a beach body as I do now (joke). Not to mention doing essentially anything with my body will be painful as every movement I may do whether it be walking, vegetating, laughing, rolling over in bed, asking politely for a bowl of ice cream, jumping jacks, or simply going skydiving, will require the use of my abdominal muscles. My now sweetly toned tummy muscles will have cuts through them and nasty little stitches pulling them back together. There will be no using of my abs for some time.

Let's just say I might have had it coming to me.

I found excessive amounts of delight in watching my sister try not to laugh while recovering from the removal of her wisdom teeth...I might've gone out of my way to make her laugh.

There's the story of my 'monster.'

Read more...